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Today, there has been much said about friendships and their value to our lives. Certainly, after this pandemic, we have started to consider the value of human connections.

We have people we hold closest. We also have passive connections. Then there are the closest friends. They can even be described as “chosen family”.

The moral of the story, of course, is that not every connection we make is good. Not every connection or friendship can be inherently good or continue to be. Yet to understand this, we must find a way to quantify or visualise this.

After discussing my own personal unhappiness, a visual approach showed its worth, and how to quantify those challenging friendships.

What this means and how it qualifies friendships

The approach is simple, by placing the key friendships on the first tier. This covers the closest friends. The second tier includes nearly important friends. The third tier holds the least important or those that have been “relegated” to this lower tier.

An important aspect of this is how relationships and connections can indeed change, causing a change in ranks. This change can be either positive or negative based on actions or how those connections tend to evolve over time.

The Friendship Tier System

First TierThe first tier friendships are those that are deemed to be “good” friends, or best friends. Those that would you would do anything for, and those that would hopefully return the opposite versa. You also wish to have a best friend at the very top of this.
Second TierThe second tier are those connections that are more or less acquaintance. Those people that are there and have a role to play in your life. However, they are not true friends. They do not belong to the primary first tier. This distinction helps differentiate between acquaintances and friendships.
Third TierThe dreaded third tier, is a place for those friendships and connections that have not gone to well. More specifically, this category includes people who are potential time wasters. It also includes those who have had too many chances and been demoted to that level. However, they can work back to the prior ranking.
The three level tier system of friendships

Conclusion

This approach is a short summary of how we categorise friendships. We can learn from understanding our human connections. It’s important to learn from them and recognise their importance. Another aspect of this model is understanding the significance of friendships. This is crucial, especially when things don’t go as planned.

Overall, we appreciate the value of this, as friendships along with other interactions are something that must be valued. Regardless of being an introvert or an extrovert, we can only ever make a certain number of human interactions. We perhaps value these connections more in this post-pandemic world.

Like with any connection, they can evolve over time. And we must also think about how to maintain and nurture such connections. After all if we note the fact that friends ranking can increase or decrease. Although we do need to consider that our actions play a role, as do the others.


One response to “Friendship Tier System: Visualizing and Quantifying Human Connections”

  1. kernowbird Avatar
    kernowbird

    Wow, I am flattered that you have written about my theory! Thank you. I would like to add some clarification on how this theory works for me.

    My intention with the theory wasn’t to ‘rate’ friendships in terms of their worth and create a hierarchy that they could work their way up, as such. Instead, it’s value lies in changing the way we view and hopefully respond to those more difficult friendships, while showing a bit more love for ourselves.

    Any long-term friendship will have its ups and downs, times when we have to ‘stretch’ to accommodate our friend when their life priorities change – perhaps they start a new job or move county. Maybe we just change as people and it all causes arguments (and as a side note, ‘Big Friendship’ by Sow and Friedman gave me a lot of good thinking on the idea of stretch in friendships). Stretch is normal and good friendships can adapt in time. BUT stretch should come from both sides in the friendship, and that’s not always the case. And sometimes it can take one party a while to catch on that they’ve been doing all the stretching, especially if they have low self-esteem.

    Now, I’m not saying that every case where a lot of stretch is involved goes straight to Tier 3, ready to be discarded at the next error. It’s normal for friendships to have ups and downs. But if you find yourself doing all the stretching, giving all the second chances when you’ve been hurt by your friend, it’s time to consider putting them in Tier 3 and prioritising other friendships (and other chances of deepening friendships from Tier 2) while that friend gets their act together. You might be able to work on that friendship while they’re in Tier 3, but you might not if that friend’s behaviour is too hurtful.

    I hope that makes sense but I’m happy to answer any questions on it 😁

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